Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Research Dilemma 6: The Dilemma Itself!!!

This is the first month of 2013, and I have not blogged for a while, so let me explain what has been the dilemma. Apparently, my research has become a dilemma, because I had a personal dilemma.

Kenya is celebrating its Jubilee year- 50 years since Independence, but that has nothing to do with my dilemma, it has everything to do with one of the reasons I have a research dilemma. I was down on a very good jubilee welcome evening, and the night after the good became the bad.
One night, one moment, one instant, can bring a whole difference in your life, in the way you view personal property, security and the gift of life- this was my case on the night of..., no, on the early morning of 13th December.  It was not my plan; it was the plan of a select three young men, maybe, maybe not, from my neighborhood,  to turn around my life in such a dramatic and traumatic event. Every other thing that was a dream come true, was broken, and the pieces were which I would never think today I can recognize them.

It’s as difficult a story to tell as it is to accept. That you can sleep, and wake up to a day when you have lost all your research data, your energy, hope and your personal space and security has been invaded. Your very self as a researcher and a person has been invaded into, and has left you broken into pieces, thrown all over, not sure what you would do for recollection and mending again into one alive piece.

Well, this is just a story now, but it was a reality I painfully woke up to on that Thursday morning. But;
Tides rise and fall again,
There is rain and there is sunshine,
Winter and summer,
Light and darkness,
Hills and valleys,
And even deserts!
It is in those deserts, that you realize who you really are, how hardened you are, and who really has your value in their lives. 

I was surrounded by family and friends. For the first time in my life, I saw the real value of friendship. Despite loosing all what I call valuable in my academic life, in my social life (family property), and my health, my inner well-being remained protected, shielded and cheered up all through. A whole month of stay at home (read recovering from emotional and physical wounds) after the incidence, I witnessed the love of friends and family.
Friends and family who came over to visit, take me to hospital, help me report the incidence to the police, share meals and nights with me, share similar stories with me, give me advice on next steps, offer psychological help, made calls and text-ed to wish me well, and more so sharing their love with me. 
Particularly, the love of my love. I felt I was a loved being, and I can move on. I had another beautiful beginning then. Even with a research dilemma of losing research data, laptops, and research photos, I had a beautiful beginning, I am still on a journey! I MOVE ON!

It's now two weeks since i got back to the reality of lost data, lost time and mixed feelings about my research- let's see how much of a dilemma this is going to be in the coming months. Hello Oxford Hilary Term!

3 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aww do take care of yaself...Stay strong :) Things will definitely come back to pace...
    Best wishes !

    ReplyDelete
  3. You and your work are inspiring, Grace. ((((hug))))

    ReplyDelete